The ideal Christian woman.

The “ideal” or “perfect” Christian woman. Let's be honest, she's on our minds - us ladies want to be her and you men want to marry her. She swims through our minds and as the years go by she becomes more defined...yet each of us likely has a little different definition. As she becomes more tangible in our daydreams the more we are tempted to compare ourselves to her (for the ladies) or to compare potential girlfriends or wives to her (for the gents). Somehow us gals never really seem to stack up. I've read three interesting accounts recently and all three seem to complement one another and challenge me regarding this very topic.

The first, an article found on a blog regarding the “ideal” Christian woman. The article hasn't yet been fully released, but thus far it is focusing on how the world of the church defines the ideal Christian woman...no issues, no messy sin to confess (and if she ever did struggle with something she doesn't anymore), gets married straight out of college, doesn't use birth control, has babies sans pain meds, never needs a c-section, breastfeeds like a champ, homeschools, can cook and bake like Paula Deen on a very tight budget while ensuring the physical health of her family, has perfect hair and makeup, has a home open and ready 24/7 for company and never raises her voice to her husband or children. Any of us outliers are doing something wrong, are in some sin, or just plain don't match up if we don't fit that description. As one who has friends that use various methods of birth control, have suffered miscarriages, chosen to get epidurals, have had emergent c-sections, who haven't successfully breastfed, struggle to come up with meal plans, and who aren't sure that homeschooling is for them I have witnessed incredible women of God believe the lies that satan feeds them telling them they essentially suck (and the “ideal” Christian woman would never use such a crude word as that). As a single 26-year old with no seeming prospects for marriage despite a great desire to be a wife and mom and whose past is marred by some messy sin, I personally understand this sentiment. Comparison to other women and “the ideal Christian woman” as we insidiously define her is a dangerous thing.

The second is a published letter from long-time pastor Rick Whitney to a man newly commissioned as a pastor within Great Commission. The letter is a challenge to no longer listen solely to the “echo of [God's] voice” through Christian books, movies, retreats, teachings, etc. but to spend more time listening personally to His voice, through time in God's Word. Rick shares his heart and relates that if he were to go back and change anything in his Christian walk, it would be to spend more quality and quantity time in God's Word. He raises the question, “why do we settle for the crumbs when the loaf of bread is as close as our Bible?”. Good question...our generation is so caught up in always having the newest and sexiest that the Bible seems too plain for us. While we might not express this in our words, we most certainly do in our actions. If we were to start living as our forefathers did, in a much simpler, quiet, even intellectual way, how different our world would be. If we were committed to studying the Word with both the diligence and expectation of those we consider to be the great Christian heroes of days past we would be changed women - UNDOUBTEDLY. The Word of God is the ONLY living and active piece of literature in this world. It is the ONLY work capable of cutting to our hearts and truly changing us. Let us not ignore this – our world is desperately in need of women today who read the Word as the Mighty One Himself intended.

The third piece is actually a comment made on a blog written by a new mom struggling with her daughter's sleep schedule (or lack thereof). This mom shared how she has found books on parenting to support every practice or idea that exists. One week she could lean one way and find a book supporting that...and the next week she could lean the opposite and find a book supporting that thought process as well. Needless to say this has left this new mom in a bit of a rut, unsure of who or what to believe and thinking that she is failing as a mom because of her confusion. One of the women, a friend of hers, who commented on the blog responded so simply yet powerfully. She said that whatever she reads, whether on the subject of marriage, parenting, or any other “hot topic”, she takes it back to the Word to see how it stands up to passages such as Titus 2. Will this or that practice (or mindset) help her to love her husband and children more? Will it help her to be sensible, pure, a worker at home? If it might, it's worth considering...if it won't, it is rubbish – product of this world and generation, contrary to God's desires. This response is the response of one who has made a habit of personally listening to God's voice as opposed to only the echo of His voice.

While we might often benefit from listening to the words of those who have gone before us we must make sure they correlate to that which God Himself has communicated. Likewise, listening to His voice will help us to compare ourselves to the right person, Jesus, as opposed to one another. When it all boils down, God desires for us to have a heart that is daily growing closer to His and character slowly becoming more like that of Jesus. Who is the ideal Christian woman? What does she look like? How old was she when she got married or had her first or last baby? Does she take the Pill? Does she breastfeed for 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 years? Does she work outside the home? How much is her monthly grocery budget? How is her house decorated? For how many years does she homeschool? Who knows?! We could easily drive ourselves batty trying to figure out these specifics! The Bible doesn't answer these questions specifically so in and of themselves the answers might remain gray (though decisions on some of them would be made through discussion with and submission to her husband's leadership...but that's a whole other blog!). The Bible does, however, tell me of the character God desires me to develop, the attitude He desires me to have toward others, the topics He wants me to dwell on in my thought life, and many other things. If I strive to hear His voice through His Word and to simply live out that which He reveals to me I will find much greater joy and become more of a God-honoring woman than if I set my sights on certain behaviors and trust them to transform me into the “ideal Christian woman”, whoever she is.

Lord, let us be women of confession and true friendship, looking to You rather than to one another for validation. Help us to be women who will settle for nothing less than hearing Your voice, straight from the Bible. Help us to trust in the Holy Spirit You have given us to lead us effectively in Your Word. Help us to no longer compare ourselves to one another and judge one another based on certain behaviors but to join together as soldier sisters in the battle for holiness, spurring one another on in our Christian walks to become the women YOU desire us to be. Love you. In Jesus' name, Amen.